My Testimony with Parenting
I became a parent January 2018 when my sweet son was born.
Around the time when my son was 18 months, we became Foster parents to an 8 year old little girl within 2 days of accepting her referral because they wanted her to have a home before school started.
A little after he was 2 years old, we started noticing our son had speech regression and overall behavioral problems and had no idea what to do or where to start.
We researched a million things exhaustingly and found some speech and occupational therapists but ultimately resorted in putting him in full time ABA therapy. All during Covid.
My son starts his therapies as we are awaiting my daughter to receive an official adoption date so she could be ours forever!
In February 2021 we finally got to adopt our daughter over Internet video call in the middle of a significant ice storm and we just prayed we could keep the power so nothing would stop the adoption.
We wanted more children closer to my son’s age so we wanted a baby. By just the next week after her adoption, I found out I was pregnant. We were overjoyed.
By April 26, 2021 I found out just a few hours before my 12 week obgyn appointment that I had miscarried. It was horrible and painful and I ended up spending 2 nights in the emergency room because things were not going right when I came to the process of the miscarriage. So not only did I lose my child but also undergone pain that made me lose my mind as if I was a different person. This was very shocking and traumatic for myself and my family.
A few months later, we find out a sibling of my daughter didn't have a home and the teen was 17 years old. We felt God's calling to bring her sibling into our home to adopt as well. We wanted to do it but I have to admit that I wasn't fully healed from our miscarriage. My saying yes to God felt like a free fall over a cliff knowing God would have to have a net to catch me emotionally and to provide what we needed for this teen. Nevertheless! We brought in this teenager and we all bonded so quickly. All kids in the home had some type of therapy and we were VERY busy!
After 6 months, the teenager we took in claimed to have a mental health crises. The protocol for fostering is to call your agency and have your kid talk to their therapist. If the therapist says yes this is serious - they will start to admit the child into a short term mental health facility for about a week or two. Afterwards, they will be brought back to the foster home.
While at the facility, the teenager used the opportunity to tell the therapists on staff that the teen was done with wanting to be apart of our family. The teen gave up the mental fight of trusting in a family due to refusal of working out serious mental health concerns. We deeply love this teenager. Despite us wanting this teenager back, the social workers decided to move this teen to another foster home that was non-adoptive and would give this teen one-on-one attention. We had no idea the level of mental battle this person was facing about the idea of being part of our family forever because this teen talked about wanting adoption so badly. This absolutely wrecked us all.
Our family spent the rest of that year trying to heal and recover. We went on a family cruise and a couple's cruise with only each other- we needed to just heal.
The fact that we wanted to expand our family still sat with us despite the heartbreaks. God had to do so much mental and spiritual healing for me to be brave enough to try again for a baby but on June 5, 2023 I found out I was expecting!
By mid July, I found out I miscarried again. It was once again just right before the 12 week “safe zone”.
The Major Takeaway
​
All of this my husband and I went through and God was with us through everything. The grief was so heavy in our home. But by the third child lost, something interesting happened. I didn’t let it crush me the way the first miscarriage did. I had the power and presence of God on my side. I realized that before I let my emotions spiral out of control, that I needed to go to God first and let him be my refuge before I could hardly bare the emotional destruction that awaited me after the initial sense of shock subsided.
I was “ perplexed but not crushed” as described in 2 Corinthians 4:8
At my D&C, I was sitting in my hospital bed in the surgery prepping room with giant curtains separating me from all the other people going into different surgeries. I sat back and decided to pray for a few minutes while we waited for the doctor. I was listening to the song “Majesty” by Shane and Shane that I heard years ago. As I listened the Holy Spirit got thicker and thicker in the room and I spaced out I felt as if the curtains, equipment, and even my husband sitting next to me disappeared and I was seated in the same bed right INFRONT of the King of Kings. As if I was looking up at his throne and experiencing the BEAUTY of His majesty. The Holiness of his presence and beauty of heaven. His power, His majesty, and His peace were sitting there on me as if nothing I had gone through was hardly anything compared to His power and majesty. There was no describing this peace.
Who here is figuratively or literally in the weak place of a hospital bed? What would it take for you to be rolled up to the feet of Jesus? The Author and Perfector of our faith who made the heavens and the earth. What would it take? If you feel like you are too weak emotionally or even in faith to come into the throne room, it’s okay to ask God “ help me with my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24) He is the good shepherd that cares for his sheep (John 10:14). It may sound brave because you may not know me, but if you’re stuck in a miscarriage or a situation as a parent or adult that seems too big for you to handle, could I pray for you? I really would be happy to! I know the scripture says “ when two or three are gathered in my name I am there”(Matthew 18:20) .