Make Your Kids Love Church

So I'm going to start this with a personal story, here. I grew up in a traditional southern baptist church in Florida. My father was a deacon and mother was in the choir and served with kids and wherever she could. I went to this church for about 10 years but sadly, it is still the most toxic church I've ever attended. As an elementary schooler, I didn't think of God as a big deal. Yet at the same time, the children's leaders were always changing and they didn't make God much more than a regular school-like story time session that I hoped would go by fast so I can get the snacks. I didn't know how great God was-- but who was going to show me? Things slowly got rougher as I got older but before I get to that, let me back up here and explain some things.

One night, I experienced God in a big way when I as 10 years old and got baptized in the Holy Spirit ( Yes, I know some people don't believe in this, but trust me in that I'm saying God worked powerfully that night and it's also not the point I'm trying to make here) during a prayer night my brother held. Afterwards, I was wildly hungry for God and had a billion questions but had no youth leaders that could help answer them for me. I quickly learned that the church members did NOT believe that baptism in the Holy Spirit existed today and felt so rejected that I kept it to myself and it became my best kept secret for years. I was so hungry for God but I remember being so discouraged in my desperate effort to find my answers for my questions. It actually took me a couple years to find just one youth leader that could better explain the Bible to me. However, I didn't have a way of contacting her so I had to wait for her free time after Bible studies on Sundays to ask questions. But the hunger only grew and not enough time to catch up. This led me to basically studying and reading the whole new testament by about 8th grade with some of the old testament.

However that wasn't the "rough" part I previously mentioned. Starting in 6th grade on, I started losing friends and other people didn't want to me around me. I was a sweet, sheltered, home-schooled kid that avoided drama because I hated confrontation. I was a people pleaser and wanted everyone to feel loved around me. To this day, I still don't know why people walked away from me when I tried to start conversations with them. I put myself out there thinking "maybe this Sunday it will be different" in continual denial. I was so desperate for friendship. As my parents drove home from church talking in the front seat, I was in the back seat silently crying feeling so rejected and lonely because that was my chance to make friends for whole week. Then I had to hope for next week to change so I wasn't lonely anymore; only to feel worse than the previous week from more rejections. I did finally make 2 friends who were equally mysteriously as rejected as myself. After trying for years, at around 9th grade, I starting skipping church once it started. I sat with the other teenagers in service and waited knowing our choir-parents had to be bussed to the next church's campus and we could skip the sermon. Then for the youth Bible study time, I used to walk around downtown with my other fellow "reject-besties". We would hang out to avoid the meanness behind the intense rejection from others after us all trying for many years. Around the downtown, I slowly noticed there were others supposed to be at church too that were also hanging out at the same ice cream shop and it was all because their parents forced them to go to church with them. Where are those kids now? Gone. They soon never came back to church again. Some fell out of faith altogether. How could I blame them? If God didn't get to me when He did, there's no way I would have survived in this hurtful environment. I got sick of it all, I finally came to my parents and told them that past 2 years I've been skipping and I won't stop unless you take me to a different church. They hesitated at first because traditionally kids used to go to church with their parents to church together. My parents never meant ill for me in this whole thing. Praise Jesus- I got out and went to a small local non-denominational church where I started to heal.

Why am I saying all of this? Believe it or not, I love God's church. I am saying this because, do your kids feel the love of God flowing mightily through the leaders and people in their lives at church? Or do they not know with their hearts.

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:35

The deep, tough truths on this:

1. If your kids don't know if they are loved at church, you're doing it wrong.

   
   

2. If your kids aren't regularly feeling the Presence of God at church, you're doing it wrong.

   
   

3. If your church doesn't mention sin or tries to skirt around it, you're also doing it wrong.

   
   

4. If your kids are continuously showing that they are not growing in Christ and/or if they are continuously showing that they are not growing in scripture, you're doing it wrong.

I am not even saying " you're doing it wrong" as a judgmental thing. I am saying this because you can't accept the lack of these things for your kids. Their future with Christ is greater than finding a church that matches your sense of comfort or style. If your kids aren't receiving these things, how are they supposed to grow up loving the church? Your kids program doesn't have to be fancy, but is it doing it's job? Are your kids less inclined to follow God after youth ministry? Or are they coming home excited for what happened and all God did while they were there? If you need to, don't feel bad for hurting feelings or crushing hearts for moving to another church for the sake of your children/youth. Your child is your first and most prioritized ministry.

In fact, show them you will fight for them to have a church family and grow in Christ- how absolutely imperative that is for them! I remember our daughter being driven back from travel soccer hours away, flying in late, and missing the hangout time with even being five minutes late for service, we still dropped her off at youth group. We did this knowing she would at least hear the sermon and talk to a few important people in her life on her way back out.

At the end of the day, pray about where they ought to be and also where you all as a family truly ought to be as well. Don't be afraid to step out in faith to a new church for the sake of your kids.

I say this with love from experience.

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